"I'll add that the behind steel walls portion is unnecessary. I'd combine it with the second sentence.
Aiden is the Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Lab’s greatest creation, but something went wrong—Aiden's thoughts…"
Sounds like a fun read, with some interesting tangles! Here are a few comments:
Aiden is the Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Lab’s [DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD SHORTEN THIS TO "AIDEN IS THE ROBOTICS' LAB'S…"
"Hey! Here are some of my thoughts. I hope they help. :)
Twelve-year-old Jordie Hodgefeltner knows when the janitors have been extra-thorough. That’s because he spends every lunch period in the bathroom stalls, hiding out. No friends,…"
"I really like your query and it sounds like an interesting story. Hopefully my comments will help you fine tune it!
Out of control. That's what everyone calls black belt Nica McDonald. (Nice hook!) After almost killing a boy in her…"
"Hi Lindsey! This sounds very cool. I just have a few comments.
Aiden is the Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Lab’s greatest creation, (Great Hook) (hidden behind steel walls - this threw me off - not sure you need) . But something…"
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Hmmm...I can't decide if your blurb gives too much info or not enough. It definitely gives it in the wrong place. I thought this was regular fiction at first, but the last line hints at paranormal or sci-fi. Yet, I wasn't given…"
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