"I feel like the real emphasis here (the main conflict) should be not her mom dying and having to go live with her alcohohlic dad, but the choice she has to make because of her biological makeup. Her mom dies and she’s devastated; I get that.…"
"Sure, Tamara. You could take a look at my query. It's under Marked Beauty (Revised). LM made a good comment on a minor change but it's tightening up pretty well. Or, I've posted my 1,000 words on TeenFire. Don't know if you go…"
"Ooh Tamara, I like this! The first part of the query is very concise. Read quite easily, actually. Where I started to stumble was 'This complicates...' I would combine that sentence with the thoughts of the next, tightening it up a bit.
"I think it can be interesting if it serves the purpose of explaining WHO your narrator is, what he does (he bears witness to the story that unfolds as a witness and not a participant YET he seems to have an opinion--something a witness is not…"
"My first comment is the overuse of the word "her" in the first two paragraghs. I counted 9 then another 7 as I scrolled down to read more. You have got to remedy this. I couldn't concentrate it was so distracting.
It seems odd that…"
"Hi Rhonda. I chose to comment on your pages as you only had 4 replies. Then lucky me, turns out your book is about ANGELS AND DEMONS. For my benefit, can you please add the prologue in reply? Thanks."
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I had the pleasure of speaking to almost two hundred sixth graders yesterday about descriptive writing. It was an amazing experience. During the in-service I quoted passages from various YA books and also read a scene from my WIP. I…"