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Rachael Dugas
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Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Christie--
See your first post for my reply as well."
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Gayle--
This is way too long, but I love the idea of a female retelling of the Pied Piper. I'd say the second paragraph is the meat of your pitch. Work on fusing it with a few important elements from the rest of the paragraphs and this…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Trisha--
In general, this just needs to be tightened and streamlined. More specifically, I'm unclear as to why this connection is an "affliction". I would also love to learn more about the Oracle's motivations. I do like the…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Liz--
You kind of lose me midway through this pitch--it's an awful lot of words and relatively little action. I'd like to see more active verb choices/sentence construction that focuses on Julia and clearer motivations."
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Sophia--
I'm with Leah on this one. The list form stood out to me and really established a sense of fun--but only because you executed it well. Not everybody could pull this off. I like the title too. Nice job!"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Erica--
I like this, but I wish you mention Eleanor's wealth before you discuss her new persona. Also, I'm not exactly sure what country this takes place in... I'm inclined to say America, but the Italian busboy throws me. I do…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Ami--
Agreed that this sounds more women's ficiton. If the teenage daughter is really the subject, emphasize this. I don't think splitting the story between a mother's past and a daughter's future will really resonate with…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Alexis--
I'm somewhat intrigued by this. I would encourage you to streamline the writing, for sure, and elaborate on certain things, such as how her father discovered this gene and how she knows about it."
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Nicole--
I'm just not sure how God and magic fit together here. It seems torn between a paranormal story and a test of faith tale."
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Vicki--
I agree with Carlie that clarifying the parameters of the time travel will up the stakes dramatically. I would also agree with Leah that we need to learn what makes 1895 Paris attractive--and it had better be more than just a boy!"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Rebecca--
I think the third sentence definitely needs more explanation--it's a little confusing as is. Also, how does she know the killer is going to come after her? How would he know she's figured it out? Just a note on your title,…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Jami--
"Running, dancing, hiding, and romance" definitely has to go--I'm sure your story is way more interesting than you're giving it credit for by reducing the adventure to this list, which reminds me of "sunshine,…"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Leslie--
Agreed that I have no clue what moon strings are... I can't even make something up, actually! I just felt like this query was full of a lot of jargon that didn't really tell us much. Be specific, please!"
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Mara--
I adore the haircut for eternity comment and Friday's unusual name. I'd like to know why she's immortal/what she is before I make a decision whether I'd read further, however."
Rachael Dugas replied to Georgia McBride's discussion Pitch-Slam Weekend January 13-15, 2012 with Rachel Dugas, Leah Hultenschmidt and Carlie Webber"Hi, Janet--
Ha! I, too, thought Hope died at first--whoops! The coincidence of the parting words and the history time travel seem perhaps just a bit too convenient to me as well."
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Comment Wall (3 comments)
- At 2:45am on August 6, 2012,
StaffLaura Chesterson said… To Rachael
From Laura and YALitChat!
- At 7:31pm on January 15, 2012,
StaffNicōle Olea said… Welcome to YALITCHAT.ORG! We’re happy you’re here and know you must be eager to get started. We’ve prepared a NEW MEMBERS WELCOME PAGE just for you--please be sure to visit there first to help acclimate you to the site, community and content. You will also find links to FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS, ABOUT US, COMMUNITY RULES and MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION helpful. As YALITCHAT.ORG operates on atiered membership structure some of our services and groups are available to those who have a TIER II level membership. For more information, please visit the MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION page. If you have any questions, please let me know. Otherwise, we invite you to introduce yourself in theMeet and Greet section of our forum! Have fun getting to know YALITCHAT.ORG, our various groups! Our Group Coordinators and community leaders are always here to help if you need it. Again, welcome!
Sincerely,
Nicole Olea
YALITCHAT.ORG Membership Ambassador
Please feel free to start making friends. You can start by sending me a friend request if you like!
- At 10:48am on January 14, 2012,
Amanda Schoen said… Welcome, Rachael! Glad to have you on board!
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