"I think there is a lot of good stuff in here. And I can see how much you've improved it from the original. My thoughts are in bold below:
Sixteen-year-old Emmy has never met a World War II veteran, especially one her own age.…"
Being an expat and having been an exchange student, I love to read stories with foreign settings like this.
I was immediately curious about what her parents were saying to her, but since you didn't go back to that and…"
"Hey Natalia - thank you so much for the comments on Marked on the Tier II site! I appreciate you taking the time to do that, and you made some really excellent points. I think I'm actually going to change everything you…"
"Hey Alisha: Thanks for the comments. Nice to hear that you enjoyed the first pages, and I appreciate the critique!
Hey Amanda: I replied to your awesome comments, but I don't see them here. Weird. Anyway, thank you for the input!"
"Thanks Amanda...awesome suggestions!
You know, it's funny b/c when I got to the end of your critique, I saw the word "Schoen," which translates in German to "nice." (Well, actually the "o" and "e" creates…"
"I really like this. The only trouble I have is the one with this sentence:
Trailing his memories, from an astronomical clock to a Baltic lighthouse, unfolds secrets about the great-grandmother Emmy never knew—who withheld way too much…"
"Thank you so much for your wonderful input on my first pages! Info. from fellow writers is priceless. I still haven't had time to revise it all yet, but I loved what you had to say and will be using it in my revision. Thanks so much, again! :)"
"Cool. Glad I could help!
I like that Joel's brother shows this moment of caring. It illustrates some underlying emotions apart from their exterior relationship, and the fact that he notices something's wrong. Hmmm, the how he's being…"
Hey Natalia - thank you so much for the comments on Marked on the Tier II site! I appreciate you taking the time to do that, and you made some really excellent points. I think I'm actually going to change everything you suggested as I revise (for like the 400th time ;) ). Thanks again!
Thank you so much for your wonderful input on my first pages! Info. from fellow writers is priceless. I still haven't had time to revise it all yet, but I loved what you had to say and will be using it in my revision. Thanks so much, again! :)
Hi, Natalia! I always see you at the top of our Leaderboards here on YALITCHAT.ORG and wanted to offer you a free book! Congratulations! I have THE LYING GAME by Sarah Sheppard or CRUSADE by Nancy Holder. Please let me know which you prefer. Thanks! Send email with your mailing address and book preference to email@example.com. Please but: Book winner and book title in subject line. THANKS!
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