"I think this is a very solid query. I agree with Kim about moving the last sentence of the first paragraph to the beginning of the second paragraph. Or you could just cut that sentence out completely since you go on to explain who Lucas is and how…"
"I LIKE THIS VERSION BETTER! JUST TIGHTEN IT UP A BIT. WELL DONE.
Lured by the Rat Catcher’s unforgettable song, ten-year-old Milo Schumacher finds he’s HIMSELF trapped in HAUNTING, MYSTICAL Lully Manor, a haunting, mystical place. …"
"I agree with Alisha. I, too, was a bit overwhelmed by all the information. And I love the suggestions she offered, especially because it gets us right to Scarlett. The only suggestion I don't agree with Alisha on is the cutting of…"
"I agree with all of Alisha's suggestions. I was confused by the whole urban fantasy of it all as well. I think, even with the duel human/liger POVs(AWESOME, by the way!), it's MG adventure. Otherwise, I think you have a very strong query…"
"Sixteen-year-old Saraswati Silverman's severe allergies have kept her trapped in a super-sanitized environment for most of her childhood. All she wants to do is play her guitar, find a boyfriend, and get a life. She’s especially sick…"
"Oooh! Intriguing! My suggestions are in bold. I hope you find them helpful!
On a bright summer day in 1284, a mysterious man known only as the Rat Catcher led one hundred thirty children into a mountain. This is the story of what happened…"
"Consider starting with: I try to remember getting on the bus. IMO, the jolting doesn't tell me enough about the MC to like her or read on...The fact she's amnesiac hooks me much better.
Wouldn't the driver tell the kid to put out the…"
Thanks for sharing your first five. This definitely has me intrigued. Especially the whole last name and then Tuesday thing. That's original.
I think you should move the description of the type of bus (Greyhound, etc.) to the end of…"
Thank you so much for your feedback! I was starting to feel like my MS was so bad that no one wanted to critique it. :-(
I seriously have read this a million times and didn't catch those little mistakes. I even printed the whole darn…"
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