"To Marianne
From Laura and YALitChat!!"
we write, read and live YA
-
Marianne Love
- Female
- United States
- Featured Blog Posts
- Discussions (6)
- Events
- Featured Groups (30 Total) (6)
- Member Book Covers
- Photo Albums
- Member Book Trailers
Marianne Love's Groups
Gifts Received
Marianne Love has not received any gifts yet
Marianne Love's Page
Latest Activity
Marianne Love replied to Marianne Love's discussion An Evil inheritance Synopsis in the group Synopsis Repair Shop"I apologize for not getting back to each of you sooner. For some reason, I'm not getting email notifications of responses. Thank you all for your feedback, I will begin implementing your suggestions immediately.
I did get your response,…"
Lucas Hargis replied to Marianne Love's discussion Query: An Evil Inheritance in the group Query Kick-Around"I'll jump in with some [hopefully] helpful thoughts.
Trip up moments:
- The first thing I notice is a lot of proper names--seven or so?
- There are pieces here which, while important for the world building and perhaps motivation,…"
s.d. Lishan replied to Marianne Love's discussion An Evil inheritance Synopsis in the group Synopsis Repair Shop"
Hi Marianne,
I like your synopsis, but I find myself confused about Damien and about the relationship between the mage and the defenders of the Liln. For example:
Par. 1: "An encounter with new student, DAMIEN CONROY"…"
Sarah Negovetich replied to Marianne Love's discussion An Evil inheritance Synopsis in the group Synopsis Repair Shop"Marianne,
You've done a great job laying out the conflict and main story line, though I don't understand why Teagan is the MC. Other than being the best of friend of the murderer, how is she involved? You don't really talk about what…"
StaffLaura Chesterson replied to Marianne Love's discussion An Evil inheritance Synopsis in the group Synopsis Repair Shop
"Hi Marianne!
Overall, this is a very good synopsis. You made the plot very clear, and your writing technique is good. Although people around Teagan are dying, it's never clear she's in any danger, so I don't really feel any urgent…"
Bonnie Ferrante left a comment for Marianne Love"No Sandy here. I live in Thunder Bay, smack dab in the middle of Canada. Although a community not that far away had record rainfall causing flooding, we've been lucky so far. I missed the date because I'm an airhead. I'm madly getting…"
Bonnie Ferrante left a comment for Marianne Love"Hi Marianne,
I wrote a response to your first pages and then discovered the discussion is closed. Here it is anyway if you're interested.
Ciao,
Bonnie Ferrante
Feedback for Marianne Love
Great first sentence. Great scene and set up for…"
Sorcha MacKenzie replied to Marianne Love's discussion The Lilin (Urban Fantasy) in the group First Pages (Crit Group)"I agree that some of the writing seems a little clumsy in these first five. The first few paragraphs especially have too much unnecessary info and character description. That said, the further I read the more interested I was in the story. If there…"
Marianne Love joined Georgia McBride's group
Synopsis Repair Shop
Synopsis in serious need of repair? Wondering what goes here or there? Short synopsis repair is here. 1-2 pages, we don't care. Any longer though, you must look elsewhere. Group Coordinator is LM Prestion.See More
Profile Information
- Website Address
- http://yalitchat.org
- Kind of books I write
- Paranormal, Urban Fantasy
Comment Wall (8 comments)
- At 9:00am on May 5, 2013,
StaffLaura Chesterson said… To Marianne
From Laura and YALitChat!!
- At 5:57pm on October 31, 2012, Bonnie Ferrante said…
No Sandy here. I live in Thunder Bay, smack dab in the middle of Canada. Although a community not that far away had record rainfall causing flooding, we've been lucky so far. I missed the date because I'm an airhead. I'm madly getting ready for NaNoWriMo, andtaking an online course, and lost track of stuff.
Hope my comments helped.
- At 8:55pm on October 2, 2012, Bonnie Ferrante said…
Hi Marianne,
I wrote a response to your first pages and then discovered the discussion is closed. Here it is anyway if you're interested.
Ciao,
Bonnie Ferrante
Feedback for Marianne Love
Great first sentence. Great scene and set up for the story. You gave a lot of information but it didn't sound like an info dump.
Sometimes defender has a capital and sometimes it doesn't.
You describe Michelle's almond shaped eyes twice.
Say the name of the academy in the first paragraph. Because this is a complicated scene with a lot of characters and information, try to make it as clear as possible.
Try to cut back on the use of ly words. Substitute stronger verbs. This might help. - http://myamateuradventures.blogspot.ca/2012/08/tighten-up-your-writing-week-4.html
Line edits:
Chapter One
Her eyes pleaded for deliverance when she looked to Mark, one of her
best friends. Running a hand carelessly through his light brown waves, he gestured helplessly (carelessly and helplessly give different impressions of Mark)
at the brunette mage who was his girlfriend and Teagan’s other best friend. (confusing) “You know it won’t actually kill you to socialize with other people, right?” Michelle
.... She turned to follow his gaze, suddenly as alert as he was. There was a boy crashing
down the hallway, scattering people and belongings ahead of him.(Make this sentence active rather than passive) A rather large boy with jet black hair was all Teagan could see in that moment. ...
She swept her right arm down the length of his, forcing it to bend and pulling him
forward, then seized the knife’s edge of his hand. (What knife? Where did this come from?)
- At 7:13pm on August 29, 2012,
Stephanie Wardrop said… Thanks for the kind words!
- At 2:05am on May 5, 2012,
StaffLaura Chesterson said… To Marianne
From Laura and YALitChat!
- At 3:55pm on May 5, 2011,
StaffNicōle Olea said…
Nicole Olea Your Friendly Membership Ambassador
- At 3:00am on May 5, 2011,
StaffLaura Chesterson said… To Marianne
From Laura and YALitChat!!
- At 9:56pm on November 6, 2010,
StaffNicōle Olea said… - Welcome to YALITCHAT.ORG! We’re happy you’re here and know you must be eager to get started. We’ve prepared a NEW MEMBERS WELCOME PAGE just for you--please be sure to visit there first to help acclimate you to the site, community and content. You will also find links to FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS, ABOUT US, COMMUNITY RULES and MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION helpful. As YALITCHAT.ORG operates on a tiered membership structure some of our services and groups are available to those who have a TIER II level membership. For more information, please visit the MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION page. If you have any questions, please let me know. Otherwise, we invite you to introduce yourself in the Meet and Greet section of our forum! Have fun getting to know YALITCHAT.ORG, our various groups! Our Group Coordinators and community leaders are always here to help if you need it. Again, welcome!
Sincerely,
Nicole Olea
YALITCHAT.ORG Membership Ambassador
Premium Membership
An annual (automatically renewed) fee is REQUIRED for Premium Member access to groups like: Submissions Mailbox, Query Kick-Around, Synopsis Repair Shop, Agent Insider II, Promotion Junction and Teen and Tween Research Info.
Membership is FREE for students.
Member Book Spotlight
Events
Badge
© 2013 Created by Georgia McBride.
