Your story has some interesting plotlines! I like the idea and think you can really develop it. One thought: is this set in the past? If not, it would be good to put in things about texting, Facebook, etc. Also, after reading, you might…"
"The start is repetitive: He wants his head down to avoid the jerk and it was best to keep a low profile … it all means the same thing.
It's unneeded to say he's a big sci-fi geek, it's implied by the fact that he's…"
"Kathleen S. Allen
After her father’s untimely death, eighteen-year old, Olwen takes over as president of the Zemele System. Anna, her power hungry sister forces Olwen---who is only half-human---to resign. In order to…"
"Name: Kathleen S. Allen
Sixteen-year-old genetically enhanced Devonny trains to be part of the Vidden army. When her fellow recruits begin to die, she is horrified to discover she is not only the…"
"I am starting a new WIP but won't finish it by end of NaNoWriMo. Have 7K done on it so far. It's my third faerie book. It's the one I was going to do for NaNo but got distracted by a plot bunny (or two). Back on track. Hope to finish…"
"Day 18: 3K today. Total: 41, 331
“I’m sorry, Iris. It’s for your own good.” He hauls me around and shoves me down the stairs. I stumble and fall rolling down and down until I land with a thud at the bottom. I taste…"
"Day 17: words written today: 2K total: 35,053
I climb out of the ambulance with his help. The other EMT has my suitcase. The air seems colder here but maybe it’s my imagination. I turn and stare at the huge mansion in front of me. It…"
"Day 16: 3K today, total is 29K. Hope to do 30K by end of weekend.
I move over to Isabel and put a hand on her shoulder. She jumps but allows it to stay here. “I’ll miss you, Isabel. Good luck. Maybe we’ll see each…"
"Day 14: only 580 written today. Total: 25,742
“I’m here, Iris. What did you want?” He gives me a smoldering look and my insides turn into a gooey mess. I swear I’m like one of those girls in those romance novels. I…"
"Day 13: On a roll: 4,802 words today out of 25,320 total
“What’s your name?” Andrea asks. One of the other girls giggles. I roll my eyes.
“Drew Samuels. I’m sure you know, Iris Jenkins. She’s my…"
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