Sounds like a fun read, with some interesting tangles! Here are a few comments:
Aiden is the Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Lab’s [DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD SHORTEN THIS TO "AIDEN IS THE ROBOTICS' LAB'S…"
"Hey! Here are some of my thoughts. I hope they help. :)
Twelve-year-old Jordie Hodgefeltner knows when the janitors have been extra-thorough. That’s because he spends every lunch period in the bathroom stalls, hiding out. No friends,…"
I love this fun premise! Here are my thoughts...
Twelve-year-old Jordie Hodgefeltner knows when the janitors have been extra-thorough. That’s because he spends every lunch period (hiding out) in the bathroom…"
That's great that you've had bites on this--I can understand why. Sounds like a fun, original story.
Out of control. That's what everyone calls black belt Nica McDonald. [GREAT OPENING. HOOKED ME.] After…"
"Hi Loriel,Interesting about that vet law. You should write a story about that!
Below are some thoughts on LITTLE BIRD:
You might consider moving your first paragraph to the end of the letter. I've read that agents skim the query to get to the…"
"Hi Abi and Missy,
I love that you are doing this together; your bio will definitely be an asset when time comes for a book jacket!
First, a thought on the opening: As a representative of some of the most talented authors in the young adult genre,…"
First off, this is a great query and pulled me in, and I'm not a fan of supernatural stuff. Some thoughts below:
Seventeen-year-old Carly Lopez suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress, though the “post” part is totally…"
I've added my suggestions...hope it helps! Good luck with everything!
Beware a thief—even if she’s your mom. When California girl Pashwyn Stoat finds a Buddhist scroll the day she arrives in Paris (in the middle of…"
I've suggested you add this underlined phrase and word for clarity. Otherwise, I think it reads well. Lee
. . .scroll in her parent's old apartment the day . . .
. . . Pashwyn's part in her sister's backslide."
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Your WIP sounds wacky and fun! It sounds like MG - is it? Life, Liberty, and Pursuit is a young adult contemporary romance, but it has a bit of a retro feel, as one MC is navy recruit stuck in boot camp, where communication mainly goes by love letters and weekly phone calls.
My log line: When a college bound girl falls in a pool and is saved by a navy recruit, they have to choose between loving each other and keeping their dreams.
It's coming out soon, so I'm going kinda crazy trying to get the website done and keeping my publisher supplied with all the info they need. Hopefully, I'll have it in my hands by conference time.
Hi! I had seen you before on the SCBWI 2010 LA thread, and I'm glad you mentioned your married name or I would never have put it together! :) I'm very excited about the conference - it's my first time for a "big" conference (I went to the local SCBWI conference last fall). You're traveling all the way from France? Wow. Are you still looking to share a room, or did you get set up already?
I'm looking forward to meeting you, and the other YAlitchat ladies. What is your current WIP?
welcome Heather! Glad you decided to join us. If you're ready to dive in, I invite you to check out the First Pages group. Leave some feedback for others and post your own work when you're ready. Hope to see you there! ~ Jessie
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