"I would read on. I love the way you set up their relationship and the worldbuilding. I'm not too keen on reading sci fi because I tend to forget all the technical names. There's quite a few thrown out in these first pages. Not sure if that…"
Thank you for your feedback - and at a writer's conference this weekend an agent made a similar comment about the lack of forward motion. Will go back and re-think how to do this scene/alter it...
I like the highlighting idea - thank…"
I remember reading your query letter and this is an interesting premise.
I feel like I get a good sense of your main character and even a little of Xander -- enough for the time being, at least. And Im interested in finding out more about…"
Thank you so much for having taken the time to read my first pages and giving me feedback!
I'd love to share more, but am new to this site and don't know if there is a place to do so...
Wow. You get us right in on the action of the story. You create interest from the first. I really was hooked from the start and can't wait to read on. (!)
All the elements for a successful plot are here, and you do a good job of…"
I think your letter is clear, but too long. I also know that it is hard to sell an already self-published book to an agent/publisher, unless of course you are EL James or Amanda Hocking (after a million sales)... but all it takes is one…"
Good question. In my cyborg world, they are 'born' - half test tube human, half bionic implants. There are AI units, that are deemed lees than cyborg (as are humans), and the AI units are created, not born... so I'd still…"
"Thank you Gareth for all your notes/thoughts! I say Black and White because those are the distinctions in the cyborg world (where everything is black and white - skin color makes no difference here, only hair color does, but both are equal and they…"
Wow, great concept! I have some questions... first, Xor is currently a cyborg and later wakes human? If yes, this is "born" the right word for your opening sentence? Perhaps "Created to become Imperium ruler..."…"
I like the sound of this. I've read over the other comments so not much to add but here goes...
Dear Ms (Agent last name),
I am querying you in the hope that you will be interested in my YA manuscript entitled IMPERIUM, a…"
I'm hooked. This novel sounds terrific. And I'll certainly look out for your debut.
Below I've left some comments. I hope they're helpful.
Dear Ms (Agent last name),
I am querying you in the hope that you will be…"
"I've rechecked the books, such as You Can Write Children's Books, and sites, such as Women on Writing, that I use and they say to put the title in italics. I researched a little deeper and did find a couple that put the title in caps but…"
Thank you for your enthusiasm - I really appreciate it! I sometimes wonder about putting the Sleeping Beauty meets Avatar part because it is so different... but there are enough references that a fairy tale lover would enjoy it (the…"
"First off, wow. I want to read this book and I'm not even really into retellings of classic fairytales -- so wow. I really don't have much to add. I see what Caryn says about the telling instead of showing, but as far as a query letter…"
I've gotten 6,000+ words so far. I'm happy with that, but worried about how it'll be say, by next week, when my outline gets a bit vague, and I'll have to rely on powering forward without it!
Keep the faith, and carry on!
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