"Not enough on the screen here to interest me. Cracking the suburban perfection and revealing secrets isn't anything new and exciting. What is your hook, the one event that will make readers want to see Pru succeed?"
"I can't decide if you're trying to be flip and funny or serious about these girls and their superpowers. They "almost feel like superheroes" just for turning on the TV without a remote and wear sexy costumes? There's a real…"
"I like a tough, angry heroine, but this feels exhausting! I don't know who the Protectors are and they seem like a major plot point, which is problematic. What I like most is the idea of the girl in a world of men, making her own way."
"I have to reject this because you spelled Carlie wrong. Kidding!
I would really love more books with Mormon characters, but I'm not wholly enticed by this pitch. I think there's too much at the beginning and not enough hook. The last line…"
"Tell me what the secret is, and that will make me decide whether to pursue this book. Also, I had a problem with both of the main characters having non-gender-specific names, becasue it sounds like Taylor owns the pond and Taylor is male. I…"
"There's some clutter going on here. You have the hoodie, which I can buy in this era of Hold Me Closer, Necromancer, but then I can't figure out how serious, or not, you're trying to be. I'd like to see more on this "one…"
"I find this intriguing to the point where I'd want to see how the book is executed. How much of the book is set in reality, and how much is unreliable visions? I'm not sure why she has to choose between sanity and her loved ones."
"I've seen this plot many, many times. Even though I love a good friendship story (whether the friend is alive, dead, or otherwise), I'd want to know what makes this special than other "road trip for dead loved ones" books."
"This isn't a bad pitch, but it doesn't excite me. I think getting to the action faster would help. Right now, we have to wait until just past the halfway point of the pitch to find out a big point of the plot."
"The slugs that killed Bonnie and Clyde aren't in a museum? Or they're not well-guarded enough so that it's easy for a teenager to "impulsively" steal them? Possession by undead criminal spirits could work, but I'd want…"
"The first sentence doesn't make much sense. After a couple of reads, I figured out that she saw angels, thought she was crazy, but then realized that others must be having similar crazy visions and committed suicide (supposedly). I think. Also,…"
Welcome to YALITCHAT.ORG! We’re happy you’re here and know you must be eager to get started. We’ve prepared a NEW MEMBERS WELCOME PAGE just for you--please be sure to visit there first to help acclimate you to the site, community and content. You will also find links to FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS, ABOUT US, COMMUNITY RULES and MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION helpful. As YALITCHAT.ORG operates on a tiered membership structure some of our services and groups are available to those who have a TIER II level membership. For more information, please visit the MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION page. If you have any questions, please let me know. Otherwise, we invite you to introduce yourself in the Meet and Greet section of our forum! Have fun getting to know YALITCHAT.ORG, our various groups! Our Group Coordinators and community leaders are always here to help if you need it. Again, welcome!
Sincerely, Nicole Olea
YALITCHAT.ORG Membership Ambassador
Please feel free to start making friends. You can start by sending me a friend request if you like!
An annual (automatically renewed) fee is REQUIRED for Premium Member accessto groups like: Submissions Mailbox, Query Kick-Around, Synopsis Repair Shop, Agent Insider II, Promotion Junction and Teen and Tween Research Info.