What would you do?

[Roza marie]

We see this issue written in some novels, even in some YA today. What would you do if your teen who just got her first drivers license issued to her, wanted to date a guy who is old enough to drink?

 

Read one parents delimma and tell me what would you do? How would you handle this? Would you allow this? Would you try to stop it?

 

Q: I’m having a hard time knowing how to handle my daughter’s relationship. She is 16 and wants to date a man who is 21. I think there is something wrong with this. I don’t know why he would be interested in a girl this young.

 

A:  A younger girl dating an older guy comes with assumptions. He’s pressuring her to have sex. He likes having control over her. He will introduce her to drugs and alcohol prematurely. However, these stereotypes may not apply here. Your daughter may be ready to date a guy who is more mature than high school guys, or maybe she just has more in common with him than she does with guys her age. Either way, this relationship could be good for her.

 

While there is evidence that girls dating older guys are more likely to face relationship violence and to abuse substances, relationships are not statistics. It would be a mistake to order your daughter not to date him just because you think dating an older guy is “risky.” That choice would be like throwing away an apple because there MIGHT be a worm in it. Read more HERE

[Melinda Hamby]

I think every teenager has different levels of maturity. It also dependson how well you know your daughter and if she has a good head on her shoulder. Does she have a good history of decision making? Also, talk to the guy, adult to adult. Maybe he is a good guy who thinks there is potential for a real relationship with her and respects her being underage.

It's all up to your communication with both of them. Then, go with your gut and not your parental bias.

Melinda-mother to a 16yo

[LM Preston]

I would put my daughter in scenarios so that she knows that when someone is much older than you, they have the ability to manipulate you based upon your naivete. I've seen too many of my friends when I was younger, date older guys that messed their heads up - bad. A few of those friends had decent relationships, but the problem was that the older person had issues letting the teenager, be a teen. It's different once a person is of legal age and have had several relationships under their belts. Talking to your teen is key. Then putting that teen in scenarios of awareness of all types of abusive relationships. No matter how you put it, a 16yr old dating a 21yr old means that in some states if that 21yr old has sex with that 16yr they can go to jail as a sex offender.

[Kelly Mooney]

This is such a tricky question for the parent. First of all, it's illegal technically for an adult to date a minor.(she is a minor) Secondly, even if she is ready to take on an older man, my question is...is she REALLY? At sixteen you don't know what you want yet, and what could a 21 year old guy do with her. They can't go bar hopping, clubbing, dancing or anywhere adults can go. Unless he's totally fine with going to the movies and restaurants. I don't think I could handle my teenage daughter dating an adult. I would have no issues with eighteen, or maybe even nineteen...but not twenty-one.
I also don't think it wise to order her not to see him, we all know how that turns out. She'll rebel and who knows, possibly move out, run away, etc....
Who knows, maybe he would be right for this particular girl. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue and say nothing at all.But I think I would somehow figure out how to reach her and get through to her and just pray to God that we raised her right.